My mom was born in Lock Haven on June 14th,
1960. She was the first child for her mother Loretta Mae Hetzel and Robert
Edward Stevenson. My mom had a pretty good childhood aside from some family
drama, but you will always have that in every family. The thing that matters
most is that her parents always gave her what she needed and loved her
unconditionally. Her sisters Brenda and Donna were trouble makers so Mom would
get in trouble for things they did and even had a stereo smashed because of
them. She never forgot this and always reminded them of it too lol. My mom was
about 12 yrs. old when her baby sister Tammie was born. So mom took to her the
most. Probably because my Aunt Tammie was so much like her. Mom always loved
spoiling her. She always told me about the one Christmas that she had a job and
went out and bought aunt tam this giant teddy bear that was bigger than my aunt
lol.
When she graduated high school she started working
full time. That’s when she started getting new friends and partying. She even
bought her first new car I believe it was a 79 Nova (Don’t quote me on that).
Eventually, Moms met my dad. They shared some of the same friends. Mom always
told me how that dad saved her one night when her one boyfriend (Dave I think)
was fighting with her and my dad stepped in. They have pretty much been
together since then. She got pregnant after a few months I believe and had me
on March 17th, 1984 at 9:26pm at the lock haven hospital. She always
called me her good luck baby. I was her pride and joy and I knew it. My Momma
took care of me and made sure that I had everything I needed. She didn’t care
if she went without or not.
There are two days that come to mind when I think
she was the most disappointed and that is the day she had to tell dad and I
that she had ovarian cancer. She told us that the doctor said that she could
live 5-10 years. We found out years down the road when mom went to see doctor
young that he didn’t think she was going to make it that long. But she did
because she is a fighter. The second day that comes to mind is when Pap, Tam
&Me went with her to her appointment in Danville at the Knapper Clinic.
That was the day she had to come out and tell me that there was nothing more
they could do. All they could do is make her comfortable by giving her platelets
and blood transfusion. The cancer had spread to her bone marrow. I cried and
cried. I know it went right through her. We were all scared. The following
months we watched her slowly lose her battle to Ovarian Cancer. She started
having to stay in the hospital for extended periods of time. At one point she
had to have a tube put in her lung to drain the fluid out of it 24/7. We
watched the cancer affect her brain and mobility. She stopped eating. It was so
horrible, but dad stayed by her side and took care of her. He made sure that
everything was done for her, medicine was given when needed. He slept on the
recliner for months.
My Mom was the best mother a girl could ask for. I
feel bad for those who never got to know what a real mother is. My Mom is my
hero and I miss her every day. I haven’t been the same since she past. I no
longer have the drive and determination that I use to have. I don’t get excited
over anything anymore. All the things I loved I no longer care about doing. I
know that’s not what she wants but I just can’t get past it right now. To all
those worried about me taking my life, please don’t worry about that. I promise
you that I will never do that. I can’t! I could never put my Dad through that.
He already lost my Mom and it would kill him to lose me. I couldn’t do that to
my Grandparents, Aunt Tam or my cousins. So please don’t ever think that I
would consider suicide as a way out. I love you all too much to ever do that. I
am having a real hard time dealing with this, but I will get past it. I am made
up of my Momma and Daddy’s DNA which means I don’t back down, I am a fighter
and this depression will not win. It won’t! Someday I will get my drive and
determination back but right now I am dealing with grief.
I don’t like to talk about things so please don’t
say to me that if you need to talk I am here. I know you’re here for me.
Honestly, I don’t know what I need. Right now if you want to do anything for me
or be here for me. I love mountain rides so if you want to do something for me.
Tell me we are going out on the mountain for the day. Don’t think that because
we are quiet that you’re not being a good friend, because you being quiet and
just hanging out with me, means more than trying to talk and pry into my
issues. I am not going nowhere so get it out of your head.. Love you all..
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