I know what I need to do!

So if you have read the past two posts you have seen what I have been dealing with. Of course it is my own fault allowing myself to become just like the others. The only thing that is really bothering me is the fact that I got accused of saying stuff about another friend calling her and her husband druggies, bad parents and worthless or something like that. I know that I never called her or him that. Supposedly there is a recording of me saying these things. I would really like to hear that recording because i know i didn't say that shit. I did however say how they couldn't be trusted and police reports don't lie. However, they do just what I have done and that is blame someone else and lie about it. At this point I am talking about 3 people not just the couple. I take full responsibility for what i say and my actions I just wish others could do the same.  Either way its over and I have been warned several times about allowing certain people back in my life. I didn't listen and now I am in the middle of a freaking drama war which was caused by opening my mouth. All this bullshit didn't start till they came back into my life it was pretty peaceful before that. At least it taught me who I want to be and that the person I was becoming was not good. So for all of you that I have offended I am sorry and I can't change the past. However, I can change my future and the only person I need to prove that to is myself. Like I have told my brothers I am better than that and don't want to become a hypocrite :) 

"Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for Your forgiveness. I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead. I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life. I trust You as my Savior. In Your Name, Amen! "

I will now bow, I will not break!

I been having a real ruff time since the falling out with my best friend aka Sister. I have discovered that i am the type of person i hate the most. Which of course is the one who talks behind others backs. I just wish that all these people who are saying that people like that are no good would look in the mirror. Cause guess what fuck faces your the same fucking way! I went into a depression that i could not get out of with help. So thursday June 6th I sucked it up and called the doctor. She of course put me on 25mg of Zolloff. I am not ashamed of it. It wasn't just the shit that happened with Sis that put me into the depression it was also school, working a dead end job, i have no time to enjoy my photography and be creative and also my mom being sick. I been down for a few months but like i said it wasn't until recent that it became to much for me to handle. I am doing better and trying to stay positive. I decided to talk to my counselor and she agreed that it is best if i take some time off school. It's almost as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have been focusing on starting a side business to go with my photography called J.D. Vonada Photography &Creative Designs. I am full of lots of ideas and can't wait for a few weeks from now when I get to take a song and turn it into a photo story. I been getting a lot of response for photo's to which is awesome. I have been trying to stay positive and focus on things that make me happy.
I noticed a few months ago how my attitude was changing and i was no longer positive. I started being hostile and get angry fast. So the fact that it has come to this does not surprise me. I started letting negative people back in my life and i will not make that mistake again. I want to thank all my close friends who message me everyday to check on me, you don't know how much it means to have such great friends in my life like you. My two Valley brothers have been awesome even taking me on their weekend fishing trip and spending time with me just talking. Those boys are amazing! My mom and dad are really supportive of me and dad even bought me a .38 special which made me happy.
My doctor told me to keep a journal of my feelings because it will help me get my frustrations out. I am going to make it public and hopefully it can help influence people positively.

Theme song of the week is "I Will Not Bow" it's been stuck in my head for days :)

All is lost again
But I'm not giving in

I will not bow
I will not break
I will shut the world away
I will not fall
I will not fade
I will take your breath away

And I'll survive!